It is amazing how time changes our perspectives and feelings. Time is tricky like that isn’t it? Maybe it’s a tragedy, and we want to hurry the grieving process along and recover quickly. Perhaps it’s a joyous event and it fades much too soon. In either scenario, I realize that I have zero control.
But I want to have the right perspective.
Awareness helps. Practicing yoga and spending time on the beach helps. Not drinking wine every night helps too. I journal every day, and somehow scribbling down my inner thoughts helps me embrace the good and let go of the rest.
There are so many markers in time that I am aware of right now. It’s so loud that I couldn’t skip through this season unconsciously if I tried. Here are the top three things that are ringing in my ears…
First, it’s my youngest child’s senior year of high school. She will spend her first year of college locally and continue to live at home. She is practically grown and independent as I write this. We are more roommates than parent/child, which works well, but parenting? This is nearly a thing of the past, and my nest will be empty sooner than later.
Second, my 30th high school reunion is taking place this summer. Let the diet begin! I haven’t been to a single one yet. You can read more about that here if you like.
And finally, the big one was yesterday. April 16 marked one year after the finalization of my divorce. Or to word it more positively, one year of my newfound singleness.
I almost forgot about it to be honest, which is remarkable. At the time it was a pivotal date. The marriage I wanted so badly at the beginning, ended. No need to hash out details, other than to say I found peace in ending the biggest struggle of my life.
There are many markers in the past year that show my progress in healing. One was my ability to celebrate at a wedding the other day. My cynicism was almost gone, mainly because it wasn’t me making the promises.
Three guy friends told me today that I was looking good. One actually suggested that I was ready for a man. Excuse me, what? and thank you. I’m not opposed to a date in and of itself. I enjoy being social, and I don’t usually turn down a free dinner. But I am fairly certain I am not capable of anything beyond that.
Urban Dictionary defines a date as: “Two people getting together for an activity when the possibility of romance between them has been broached but not ruled out. Since the exploration of romance is the purpose of a date, merely asking someone out on a date is sufficient to broach the subject.”
The exploration of romance. Um, no, definitely not there yet. There are SO MANY THINGS that I am working on for myself: school, exercise, staying connected to friends, reading, serving others, and expanding my horizons. I’m not ready to clear my calendar to “explore romance”. Maybe in another year? I don’t think I need to set a goal, when the time is right I will know.
I am so very grateful that my clock is not ticking in this area. It’s good to recognize the seasons while we are in them. Having awareness and making the most of opportunities is such a gift. It’s totally cliche, but that is why it is called the present.
God is with us through each season. Whether we are clinging to some kind of greatness while we have it, or hoping the days speed quickly through a rough spot, it’s faith that carries us. After all, we cannot control the calendar, we can only manage our response to what it holds.
Thanks for reading, until next time…