Table for one, please

There are times when I am perfectly content being on my own. Dining in a restaurant is not one of them. Especially on Sunday after church, when it seems most folks are connecting with family or friends, it seems weird to be solo.

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Recently, this was the very situation in which I found myself. Because my daughter just began serving at a new restaurant, I drove there with the intention of being the friendly face in her section. I would give her some encouragement and a fat tip while enjoying a meal with Prince Charming. When he was unable to join, I found myself there alone.

This is what I imagined my experience would be… without the todka vonic.

Sure, I could have easily sat at the bar, but that wasn’t her section, defeating the entire plan. That’s when I noticed a single lady also waiting for an open table. I asked if she was dining alone. When she confirmed this truth, I confessed my discomfort and asked if she would share a table with me. She agreed, and we proceeded to enjoy a lovely lunch.

While we didn’t have a lot in common, our conversation was certainly pleasant. It turned out she had been recently widowed – a major life shift after 35 years of marriage. Grief is a heavy companion in the early phases, and my church experience helped me to proceed with grace.

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I tried to simply be a good listener, but I think I may have been a little too forward in my suggestions for her healing. I tried to frame it with, I know this ___ has helped others, and this ___ has helped me. Be a mentor, volunteer somewhere, find a cause and get involved.

Why in the world would I know what she should do? I don’t even know what I should do most days, and I’ve known me forever! This woman and I had only met a few moments ago. My hope was that she was encouraged, but I’m not sure a bunch of ideas from me provided that. I know better than to offer my opinion so freely. It’s clear I still have work to do.

She did thank me at the end of the lunch, and I found a card to share my contact info. I don’t know if she’ll ever call, or look me up online, but I was glad for our shared time. Neither of us sat alone, and my daughter received her encouragement and a bit of cash.

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My lunch companion shared that sometimes the messages we need to hear come in unexpected ways. The message I needed was that it’s good to reach out to a stranger, and also, that listening is better than talking. Maybe the message she got was to politely decline the next time a stranger invites herself to the table?

This is where having faith comes in. I’m going trust that somehow we both gained something good from our shared table. The next time I have an opportunity to befriend a stranger, maybe I’ll skip it and find the courage to dine alone. Or, maybe I reach out and practice doing a better job of listening.

It’s all about observing, and evaluating, and doing better than we did before, right?

Thanks for reading, until next time,
Sherri

 

 

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Rewriting fairy tales

Once upon a time, there was a lovely lady who lived in a cute little beach cottage.

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It was perfect. She loved her work and her community. Her children were grown and on their own, but remained close with daily calls and frequent visits.

She took good care of herself. She had healthy habits and fantastic friends. She painted and she wrote. She practiced yoga. She served others. She spent her time and her money wisely. She read books and walked the beach. She knew what she liked and what she needed on any given day.

She was happy. The End.

knight in shining armor with princessAnd then what? What kind of story is that? Where is the tragedy? With the fairy tales of my childhood, every damsel in distress was rescued by a handsome prince. She could not save her own self. She was in dire straits until the prince on a white horse showed up. Only THEN she could live happily ever after.

Not in this story. In this story, the lady is her own hero. No need to be rescued. No need for a knight in shining armor to show up and save the day. Her life is all hers, and it’s beautiful, simple, peaceful and happy. It’s a beautiful tale, but it probably won’t sell.

As you may have guessed by now, the lovely lady is me. I am the hero of my own life. It is lovely and rich and full and I could not imagine how it could be any more delightful. I am living happily ever after.

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And then, out of the clear blue sky, my friend (and coworker) confesses his interest in me. This was a shock to say the least. In fact, he had been dropping hints for a couple of months that went right past me. And while I have always thought highly of this man, I was so focused on creating my own happy life, I never even thought about connecting with him romantically.

It’s been a whirlwind to say the least. We have been on several dates and it’s been unbelievably easy and comfortable (and magical even!). He operates with integrity and works hard. He tells me how he is feeling. He’s a gentleman in every way. He is honest and patient and kind and generous and attentive and faithful. And the bonus? He is tall and handsome and tells me every day that he adores me.

And me? I’m a bit of a mess over the whole thing. My emotions range from joy to fear with all points in between. About 847 times a day I have to remind myself to breathe! Just relax and enjoy! It should not be a surprise that someone wonderful has shown up in my life. It’s simply rewriting the old fairy tales. I don’t have to be in need of a rescue. It’s perfectly okay to enjoy the company of a handsome prince when he appears.

No matter what happens, I’m living happily ever after. The End.

Thanks for reading, until next time,
Sherri

 

 

It was the summer of ’89…

Maybe you weren’t born yet, but if you were, let’s take a little stroll down memory lane. The Berlin Wall came down. Gas was less than $1 a gallon. George Bush Sr. was in the Oval Office. Microsoft released its Office Suite and Nintendo released Game Boys. Hurricane Hugo, the Exxon Valdez oil spill, and an earthquake in San Francisco all contributed to a big mess on the home front. The Simpsons debuted, and the first of 24 satellites of the GPS system were positioned in space. It was quite a year.

 

It was also the last time I lived alone. In 1989 I was 21, single and had my very own apartment all to myself. It was on the third floor of an ancient brick building in downtown Muscatine, Iowa. Spoiler alert: I was industrious (shock, I know). There was zero time to deposit the three paychecks I was earning each week. On my occasional night off,  I would walk around the corner to enjoy cold beers and terrible cheeseburgers at Jody’s Tap. It was a season of growth and self discovery, and I was quite proud of my little grown up self back then.

I am a big fan of independent living.

Which is a good thing, as I’m entering this space again. My youngest is moving out this week. I knew this was coming eventually. For years I have been giving pep talks encouragement when mommas are mourning their chickens leaving the nest. You know the one. Read along in your best cheerleader voice, “Good job momma! You raised them well. This is what they are SUPPOSED to do when they grow up and earn their own money and manage their own lives.” Wlaundryhich is all true, but not very empathetic.

Now that it’s my turn to watch the last one move out, of course I handled it like a pro. I was all good…until I saw the boxes.

Y’all, I got a lump in my throat. It didn’t stay there long, but it was there alright.

Good job momma! You raised them well. This is what they are SUPPOSED to do when they grow up and earn their own money and manage their own lives.

It IS all good. She’s only moving about 30 minutes away, so nbd, right? We will set up dates to connect. Basically the same thing we do now. With her work and school schedule, and my work and school schedule, we don’t accidentally see one another anyway. She is graciously leaving a bunch of her shoes here, so not all that much will be different. At least that is what I am predicting. Still, it’s a change.

In the next couple of months, I will downsize to a one bedroom place even closer to work. I will reclaim my independent living. I will clean my house and it will stay that way. I will only have food in the house that I will eat (perhaps no junk will enter?). And I can do whatever I want, so nana nana boo boo.

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Good job momma! You raised them well. This is what they are SUPPOSED to do when they grow up and earn their own money and manage their own lives.

The other one is 1000 miles away and has been there for 3 years now, so I’m getting better at this parenting adults-not-under-my-roof thing. It’s definitely different, but each season brings something good while it says farewell to something good too.

I guess maybe when the last one moves out, it feels like more of a retirement of sorts. It’s the final season of so many seasons. And if you did it even halfway decently, there was some fun and greatness mixed in the mess of it all.

Ecclesiastes reminds me that there is a season for everything. It’s about to be a new season that is very similar to the one in 1989. I am single. I will live independently. I won’t be working 3 jobs, but I’ll be taking 4 classes and working full time. I probably still won’t have time to get to the bank, but hey, I have a smart phone now. And all the modern luxuries that the past 28 years has provided.01caf4927e20a193378c488fa9d2ebd2--our-kids-empty-nest-humor

But still… NOPE! I am okay!! I know it’s an adjustment, but that is life. What was that adage I told everyone else?

Good job momma! You raised them well. This is what they are SUPPOSED to do when they grow up and earn their own money and manage their own lives.

Thanks for reading, until next time,
Sherri

Recalculating…

Can I just confess that I have had a crush on Kevin Arnold for decades now? Surely you can relate to this adorable guy from the Wonder Years. It’s my favorite background noise while I’m painting, and the timing of last night’s episode was profound.

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As luck would have it, a clothing store in the next town was holding a huge clearance sale. As good wives and mothers do, Norma convinces her hubby Jack to take their growing 14 year old Kevin to purchase a new suit. The two wisely obey. They proceed to get lost and refuse to stop for directions (why?). They also get a flat tire. They struggle the whole way. They never get the suit. But of course it ends up being worth it because they make memories and grow closer. What a beautifully scripted happy ending.

Real life is rarely like that. What happens now?  We ask Siri to guide us to our destination. We call AAA to change the tire. Actually we just order the suit online and never leave our couch in the first place.

And families have their own issues, as does the one portrayed in this Netflix series. No one individual is perfect, yet they are held together by love and commitment. You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends. These are your chosen family if your given one doesn’t work so well.

Good people – both friends and family – will be honest and they will care. They won’t make assumptions or demands. They will understand when plans change or when life takes over for a spell. They will do and say just the right thing at just the right time because they choose to do so. In tangible ways, good people honor who you are and respect the bounds of the relationship.

How do you know if a relationship is good? Take an honest evaluation. How do you feel when you’re around this person? Is it energizing or is it draining? How do you feel after having spent time with them? Are you sad when they have to leave – or are you relieved that you can breathe again?

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A healthy relationship allows for you to easily be yourself. If a relationship requires more energy than you’re willing to give, then don’t be in it. Sometimes it’s a seasonal hiccup, or sometimes they change, or you change, and you have to let them go. No matter how long they’ve been around, it’s okay to evaluate and make adjustments as needed.

After spending the past few weeks with the tall, dark and handsome man, I realized I hadn’t been honoring myself. Initially when something didn’t sit well, I spoke up, but then I found it harder to do so. There were minor things that I overlooked without protest. As of late, I was finding more energy going out than I was willing to give.

When some miscommunications happened, and hurtful words were directed my way, I chose to completely disengage. I had hoped to have a “farewell” conversation in person, but took the chicken route and sent an email. Spending the energy to sort through it all seemed pointless, given the realization that it needed to end anyway.

Even the best breakups are painful. However, the more painful thing is to allow relationships to continue when they aren’t working. It’s like driving down the road when you know you are heading in the wrong direction. Which, in my case, I guess I didn’t know where I wanted to go in the first place.

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One could call it a directional miscalculation. I knew going in – as did he – that neither of us were really in a place to invest in a relationship. It was just going to be fun, until it wasn’t. I am a firm believer in finding the lesson in everything, and I definitely learned some important ones:

  • Be honest with yourself about how this person makes you feel.
  • Be ready to speak up when something doesn’t sit well.
  • Be willing to sacrifice to make room for this person.
  • Be realistic about how much you can invest (time and energy) in this relationship.
  • Be aware of getting too close too quickly – emotionally or physically or both.

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It’s clear I have some work to do, so I’m not playing the dating game for a while (sorry, alphabet fans). For now, I’ll be painting and basking in the final week of my summer break. I’ll have a heavy class load soon enough. Hopefully the lessons ahead will be easier than this one.

Thanks for reading, until next time,
Sherri

 

Stranger things…

The world is a strange place these days. It’s probably always been like this. It’s that now we are aware of it on a global scale. It used to be that only the people who lived on the corner were oddballs.  Now we know about oddballs worldwide thanks to the interwebs.

I’ve got a couple of strangers to tell ya about…

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Time to be happy…

It’s my birthday / week / month!

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It’s always a good time to reflect. I’ve been thinking about where I’ve been each decade and I’ve noticed some things. This year is different in the best possible way.

Stroll down memory lane for a moment with me and you’ll see what I mean.

Age 9 which was (gasp!) 40 years ago. It was not a memorable birthday because kids didn’t get birthday palooza back then. We maybe got a cake and some new sneakers. If we were really lucky we had a friend sleep overnight. We definitely didn’t rent bounce houses and give goodie bags to our guests. There were no caterers or clowns or custom printed invitations for crying out loud.

(Honestly, the best thing I remember about my birthday is that strawberries were in season and we usually had strawberry shortcake instead of birthday cake. And that was just fine with me.)

Age 19. This one I remember for sure. My mom was away at her 20th High School Reunion. My Dad and I were just supposed to sit around quietly and celebrate Father’s Day and my birthday. Once I confirmed that I would be buying the beer, he agreed to the insanity that took over the machine shed and our 3 acre lawn. It’s a bit hazy now, but I remember at least 3 kegs, a live band and 200 of our closest friends. It still holds high status among the “parties to remember”.

Age 29. I was pregnant with my second child. I was in an extremely dysfunctional marriage but convinced that another baby would be the answer. Though she is a joy, she was not the answer. Before she was out of diapers, we were separated for good.

Age 39. I was 5 days away from getting married to husband #2. I was tired of raising the girls on my own and sleeping alone. I was convinced that a new husband would be the answer. He was not. After years of counseling, our last and final separation was 3 years ago.

So at age 19, I couldn’t wait to party it up. I wasn’t 21 yet, and surely being older would bring me happiness.
At age 29, I couldn’t wait for child #2 – who would surely save my failing marriage and that would bring me happiness.
At age 39, I was trying it again – because surely being married to the “right” guy would make my life better and bring me happiness.

But this year – age 49 – is SO very different! I am content and not pushing for the next thing. Finally.

I am content with where my life is. I love what I am doing, where I am doing it, and with whom I am doing it. I am not holding out for the next thing, the next person, the next circumstance. RIGHT NOW I truly have happiness, and it isn’t based on something or someone around the corner.

And that, my friends, is worth celebrating!

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So what did I actually do on my birthday? I painted. At a really cool restaurant where they have amazingly talented artists doing art while people eat dinner. Oh, and the people BUY the art. If it’s not sold by the time you finish it, the restaurant hangs it up and sells it for you. How amazing is this!? And they invited ME to come and paint with them.

So I did.

And they fed me and also gave me a glass of wine since it was my birthday. Also, there were 8 different people that came in to say hi and eat dinner because I was there. I felt  like a celebrity. But really, I am just a happy girl celebrating her birthday, doing what she loves to do.

It’s pretty cool when that happens, isn’t it?

I agree.

Plus I got to do some other fun things like kayaking and eating at fancy restaurants and have more planned with friends later this week. I am already happy, and those things will just add to it, not create it.

I am in charge of my own damned happiness, and I’m pretty happy about that.

Thanks for reading, until next time,
Sherri

 

 

I won’t get that hour back…

Or that other one either.

I think dating is kind of like parenting. Once you figure out how to do it well, you’re probably done. Success = finishing = you don’t need to do it anymore. I think we have the equivalent of a second grader. Which if I lost you just now, it means we have a ways to go.

Screening from one stage to the next is so effing hard. How long do you text before you talk? How long do you talk before you meet? There are dangers in letting it all be virtual for too long. But boy howdy, I gotta stop meeting in real life with some of these guys. My last two in person encounters were lackluster. I realize this is a learning and growing opportunity, but alright already.

Letter K – we met for a quick happy hour and enjoyed a beverage and a small pizza. I had movie plans with my girlfriend for later (Wonder Woman – yes it’s amazing – yes you need to see it). Having an after-plan gave us a definite ending point. This is a good practice for a couple of reasons. If it’s a terrible date, you see the light at the end of the tunnel (it’s okay to bail early if it is REALLY terrible). But also, if it’s good, it’s okay to give yourself some space for reflection. And, it leaves them wanting more, right? Well, let’s just say K fell into the former, not the latter. In fact, I enjoyed my conversation with the bartender and the manager more than with K. Which I took as a clear sign, but he did not.

He texted me before I even left the parking lot to ask for a “real” date. I had to tell him I just didn’t see it happening. He didn’t hold my attention and a nice guy like him deserves a girl who is into him. Honesty and integrity…those are the goals. I can be snarky here with you great people, but I don’t need to crush anyone. Besides, we know how fragile the male species can be, right?

One hour I’ll never get back, but hey, it’s a gamble. Onward we go…

After work one day this week, I met letter L. I knew before I left that it was not likely going to be a good connection. Why I didn’t cancel is the thing I need to figure out. It was just coffee, and I didn’t go too far out of my way to meet him. I did give up something that I would have preferred doing though. Like, anything else. Maybe even cleaning the bathroom. Some people enjoy this chore, but it’s not among my favorites.

I know you’re wondering why. Of course I’ll tell you! For starters, he had soft hands and a soft handshake. I can’t handle either one in a man. And, have you ever had conversation with someone who likes to finish your sentences? But they don’t know you very well so they finish them poorly? That was L. Plus, he was ex military and reminded me too much of a drill sergeant guy who used to be my boss. Which is not a complement. Nice enough guy, but not for me. He also texted me soon after to ask for a second date. Again, I let him down gently and kindly.

So two hours down the tubes…

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What in the name of all that is holy am I even doing wasting time? I’ve been super creative and super social with friends –  and I’m working on a huge article for the little magazine to which I contribute. And I’m painting like it’s my new job (but it’s totally not, I’m still working the full time one that I have). I only have about 9 weeks of “no school” to live it up! And even though it’s just an hour here and there, I cannot waste it drinking coffee or wine with someone that I’m not excited to see.

I’m almost halfway through the alphabet. I won’t bother giving anyone a letter unless I meet them. There are a few possibilities in the “chat” stage, so potentially I could have another date or two before the month is over. But only if there’s real potential. A free beverage is not free if it’s costing me something more – which is my most valuable, most highly regarded, most precious time.

In your wait for the next letters of the Dating Hell Alphabet, feel free to check out the art I’ve been doing. In fact I added a page here just to show them off to you. More about that soon…

Thanks for reading, until next time,
Sherri

 

This one is too….???

Ahh…fairy tales. Cinderella, Snow White and Ariel and all the other princesses are not  the best role models when it comes to romance. But Goldilocks? She’s not a princess at all. She’s a simple girl looking for simple comforts. She isn’t searching for a prince or a castle. She is strolling in the woods and seeking the basics. This is a girl after my own heart.

Okay, she happens to be guilty of breaking and entering along with destruction of property, but let’s not focus on this. She is discovering what works for her. I am now claiming Goldilocks as my hero and aspire to be more like her in my dating adventures.

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What would Goldilocks do (WWGD)? How does this taste? How does this feel? Is this comfortable for me? After some sampling, she knew what was just right.

With my hiatus from school, I thought I would jump back in and begin a little summer sampling myself.

Letter “I” is the next on the list (I had to go back to look – it had been so long). After some solid text conversations, we met last week for a walk on the beach. It sounds totally cliche, but it happens to be a carefree way to connect. And hello, it’s a beautiful setting.

We chatted non stop, but it was relaxed and easy. There were several points of mutual harmony – including religion, politics and other points – no small feat there. We agreed it was a successful first date, and made plans to connect over the weekend.

Saturday “I” and I went kayaking and it was comfortable and fun. Our hope was that – barring anyone tipping anyone else overboard – that we would have a bite together after. We remained upright and dry, and thus continued with lunch. Kayaking is one of my “most wanted” activities ever, and the chosen cafe is among my personal favorites. The day was scripted to be incredible.

Overall, the time spent with “I” wasn’t too cold, it wasn’t too hot, but it wasn’t just right. It was more… lukewarm. Which is fine, but with the setting and the activity, I expected it to be more. It was perhaps a little too calm and flat. Maybe we would have been better off with some tipping? head_up_anim

I’m not sure I will see him again. The script is really secondary if the characters are hitting it off.  I don’t want to waste his time or mine if there’s not a spark – the elusive “just right”.

Chemistry has been present in my (crazy) previous relationships, so I cannot trust it to be the sole guide. But I can’t quite discount it either. How long does it take to discover? Can it be developed or is it just there? I don’t really know…

So onward to letter “J”. We made plans to have lunch on Sunday – coincidentally at the same restaurant. (I know, back to back dates. What can I say, it’s a holiday weekend and I had extra time. Plus, their beet salad.) We preemptively packed beach gear in anticipation of lunch going well. It did, so we headed west for an afternoon of sun and surf. “J-man” planned well with a cooler of beverages, complete with Tervis and ice. It was a chamber of commerce day and y’all know how I feel about my toes in the sand. Another perfect script waiting for the characters to connect.

Much like “I”, my time with “J” was filled with non stop conversation but with much intensity. He has a big personality and even bigger adventurous tales. I felt like a one woman audience as he held center stage to dazzle and entertain.

While I felt energized and enjoyed his stories, I was ready to head home after a while. It was more choppy than calm. I’m not sure he’s “just right” either. Maybe it was the undoubted excitement of meeting me? Like a new puppy when you first get home from work? A second date may reveal more. We’ll see if he calls.

cropped-10393-img_2953It was not this hard for my girl Goldie. She had three options, and it was clear which was the best. My options seem endless, and they are not as easy to read as a fairy tale.

I am grateful that I am not on a time frame. I have no agenda for how this ends. I am enjoying the adventure one date at a time. Nothing is at stake. Oh, and my tan is coming along nicely.

Thanks for reading, until next time!
Sherri

Friends with benefits…

Not those kind of benefits. C’mon people! Why is your mind in the gutter? I’m talking about other benefits. Sheesh.

After a couple of less than wonderful dates last weekend, my friend M stepped up and took my mind off my dating troubles. We went out dancing one night and had a blast. Then a couple of days later we went to an art museum and out for dinner. As I’ve been reflecting on our time together, it occurred to me how grateful I am. Here’s the list of some of the benefits of having a bro-friend:

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Benefit #1. Thou shalt not open thine own door.  If he is polite and chivalrous, he will open doors for you. And girls, that’s just something you need to be okay with. If a man opens a door for you, smile and say thank you. Don’t act like he’s just done the nicest thing ever in the history of ever. It’s normal decent behavior.

Benefit #2. Thou shalt receive at least one compliment. If he’s nice enough to be your friend, then he’s likely to bestow a minimum of “hey you look great”. Your reply? Same as above, smile and say thank you. Never argue or minimize a compliment, just receive it graciously. Give him one back – as he probably extended extra effort too.

Benefit #3. Thou shalt not fear for thine own safety. You have a brother at your side who will protect you, not harm you. It’s likely that he will not put any moves on you and this is why you’re friends. You can trust this one. *Disclaimer – if you put moves on him, he may just follow your lead. Sliding out of the friend zone can be a slippery slope – so be careful.

Benefit #4. Thou shalt not have creeps hitting upon thee. Again, you have an instant shield from ass-hats hitting on you. It’s a lot more fun when you can relax and enjoy yourself, knowing that your friend has your back.

Benefit #5. Thou shalt learn something about the male psyche. And perhaps he will learn something about the female psyche. It’s possible! When there is true friendship, it’s easy to be honest and open and even vulnerable. After all, nothing is at stake when you are with your friend.

Benefit #6. Thou shalt not be in danger of becoming an old maid. Sometimes the hardest part of being single is being, well, lonely. Having a good guy friend is better than a romantic date. There’s no pressure, no expectations, just getting out for some fun!

Benefit #7. Thou shalt not be required to shave thine legs (or anything else). Sometimes it’s nice to go out without all the primping and fussing. Throw your hair in a pony, slide on your favorite jeans and a t-shirt, complete with a pair of Chuck Taylor’s and you are ready to go.

Benefit #8. Thou shalt perform at thy best. If you’re the sporty type, it’s okay to own your edge. You don’t have to worry about preserving his fragile ego. Aim high, work hard and do your best to win. Whether it’s pool, darts or corn hole – it’s okay to kick his ass. But be a good winner and buy him a drink.

Benefit #9. Thou shalt say what thou means. Perhaps we lose our sense of self when around someone who makes our heart skip a beat. We may forget how to voice our opinions when we’re weak in the knees. With a guy friend, we have the freedom to practice and not worry about feeling too nervous to say what we need or want.

Benefit #10. Thou shalt establish a minimum standard. Chances are that you will begin comparing other potential suitors against your guy friend. If the new man doesn’t treat you as well as your bro-friend, he’s probably getting cut from the lineup.

So friends with benefits? I’d have to say, absolutely! I think any great relationship starts as friends. As long as expectations are managed and everyone is honest, it can be good. Whether M stays in the friend zone – or moves up – has yet to be determined. For now I’m totally content and grateful for his friendship 🙂

Thanks for reading, until next time!
Sherri

 

 

 

The beginning of the end (in the middle)

The dating game – at least the online version – is about to be over. We will not even make it to the middle of the alphabet, let alone the end. My subscription is expiring in a few days and I will not be renewing. I’d rather curl up with a good novel or go out with existing friends than continue with the frustrations this venture brings. Bye bye, book deal.

Guy F – from our last post – never actually materialized. After some lengthy and interesting phone conversation, we mutually decided we were not a great match. Cool.

Guy G – was good. You remember him – the mysterious blue-eyed snowbird. We enjoyed a Spring Training game last week. How best to describe him? Sweet, attentive, intelligent, kind, and successful. Why only good and not great? What’s the catch? I didn’t find him physically attractive. I believe there should be chemistry and sparks and a little heart racing, and there just wasn’t.

Note: Some say it’s okay to dismiss the lack of spark if his bank account is fat enough. Some say a sugar daddy is what I need. I disagree.

When the game was over we chatted and I confessed that I just didn’t feel like we would go beyond a friendship. He said okay, no problem, and gently insisted on taking me to dinner. He was so kind and pleasant, and I made it clear that I did not want to hurt his feelings or create false expectations. He agreed – we would just enjoy a nice meal and each others company and so we did. It was lovely and we parted with a somewhat awkward hug.

I am racking my brain to think of someone who may be a good match for him, because he’s a genuinely great guy. 56547As my friend Susan says, there’s a lid for every pot. He mentioned several fun things to do, so it’s possible that we would connect before he migrates north. Again, clearly stated up front intentions will be paramount. I don’t want to be a heart breaker.

And our next contestant is the one that has me questioning my participation in this whole damn thing.

Guy H – as in – what the hell? We met for a late dinner on Saturday night and honestly, I was not thinking. I was tired, too relaxed and blew past several red flags along the way. When did I realize I may be in trouble? When he had a firm grip around my waist and an overly passionate lip lock on my face. I agreed to see him again – only so I could get in my car and send him the rejection message from a safe distance. The last thing I wanted to do was piss him off. Not good.

CIdINFsWoAAp3-m

Perhaps I’m being paranoid and dramatic, perhaps not. Ladies & gents, watch yourselves out there. It’s the last time I’ll do a late dinner like that. There were not enough people around in the semi-lit parking lot and I was feeling unsafe for sure. Girls – and guys too – pay attention to the red flags. Don’t have too much to drink and let your guard down (thankfully I only had one drink). Make sure someone knows where you’re going and ask them to check on you at a specific time. I totally forgot about having someone check on me, which would have provided a smoother escape.

All of this is a learning process. I’m grateful this lesson didn’t cost more.

Two dates, two different guys, neither of them a match but they both liked me and wanted to continue. It’s an ego boost, but also exhausting. Learning to say “no thanks” is a valuable skill that I’ve gotten to exercise.

There was a bright spot this weekend which will be saved for another post, another day. What I will tell you is that it’s really good to have friends to balance out the challenges and disappointments dating can bring. I am one grateful girl…

Thanks for reading, until next time.
Sherri