The beginning of the end (in the middle)

The dating game – at least the online version – is about to be over. We will not even make it to the middle of the alphabet, let alone the end. My subscription is expiring in a few days and I will not be renewing. I’d rather curl up with a good novel or go out with existing friends than continue with the frustrations this venture brings. Bye bye, book deal.

Guy F – from our last post – never actually materialized. After some lengthy and interesting phone conversation, we mutually decided we were not a great match. Cool.

Guy G – was good. You remember him – the mysterious blue-eyed snowbird. We enjoyed a Spring Training game last week. How best to describe him? Sweet, attentive, intelligent, kind, and successful. Why only good and not great? What’s the catch? I didn’t find him physically attractive. I believe there should be chemistry and sparks and a little heart racing, and there just wasn’t.

Note: Some say it’s okay to dismiss the lack of spark if his bank account is fat enough. Some say a sugar daddy is what I need. I disagree.

When the game was over we chatted and I confessed that I just didn’t feel like we would go beyond a friendship. He said okay, no problem, and gently insisted on taking me to dinner. He was so kind and pleasant, and I made it clear that I did not want to hurt his feelings or create false expectations. He agreed – we would just enjoy a nice meal and each others company and so we did. It was lovely and we parted with a somewhat awkward hug.

I am racking my brain to think of someone who may be a good match for him, because he’s a genuinely great guy. 56547As my friend Susan says, there’s a lid for every pot. He mentioned several fun things to do, so it’s possible that we would connect before he migrates north. Again, clearly stated up front intentions will be paramount. I don’t want to be a heart breaker.

And our next contestant is the one that has me questioning my participation in this whole damn thing.

Guy H – as in – what the hell? We met for a late dinner on Saturday night and honestly, I was not thinking. I was tired, too relaxed and blew past several red flags along the way. When did I realize I may be in trouble? When he had a firm grip around my waist and an overly passionate lip lock on my face. I agreed to see him again – only so I could get in my car and send him the rejection message from a safe distance. The last thing I wanted to do was piss him off. Not good.

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Perhaps I’m being paranoid and dramatic, perhaps not. Ladies & gents, watch yourselves out there. It’s the last time I’ll do a late dinner like that. There were not enough people around in the semi-lit parking lot and I was feeling unsafe for sure. Girls – and guys too – pay attention to the red flags. Don’t have too much to drink and let your guard down (thankfully I only had one drink). Make sure someone knows where you’re going and ask them to check on you at a specific time. I totally forgot about having someone check on me, which would have provided a smoother escape.

All of this is a learning process. I’m grateful this lesson didn’t cost more.

Two dates, two different guys, neither of them a match but they both liked me and wanted to continue. It’s an ego boost, but also exhausting. Learning to say “no thanks” is a valuable skill that I’ve gotten to exercise.

There was a bright spot this weekend which will be saved for another post, another day. What I will tell you is that it’s really good to have friends to balance out the challenges and disappointments dating can bring. I am one grateful girl…

Thanks for reading, until next time.
Sherri

And so it continues…

Before I reveal the dating darkness, I’ll provide the excuses for the sharing delay. I had a huge event at work which consumed a lot of time and energy. And in the few moments outside of work, I climbed out of the homework pit that neglect had been digging. Keeping up with three classes actually takes time, y’all. And yes, I am counting the days until spring break.

Since my last post, I wrote a 1000 word article for a local magazine that a friend publishes. And some friends were in town because their momma passed away – so there was a few days of funeral stuff with them. And attended a half day Toastmaster’s Officer Training. And entertained a house guest for four days (or the house would have been a total disaster). So yeah, I have been passing my own self in the hallway. See ya later warped-speed-busy-life. You can come back never. I need time to date if I’m going to write a blog that turns into a best seller.

We left off with Guy D, the one I was excited to meet but then didn’t. And you may recall that he cancelled because he had met “the one” after their first date. Spoiler alert: she wasn’t the one. D messaged me last week. We chatted for a few and then I asked about “her”. He explained that she wasn’t who she said she was (what?). Oh, and he would still like to connect if I was open. Hmmm… I need to think about that. No jumping too quickly with D!

Guy E was young and hot and never made it past the first 15 minutes of messaging. Here’s the acceptable formula for young: half of your age plus 7 years. (So at 48, half plus 7 is 31. I know, right?) We weren’t very far into our text conversation before he shared why he is interested in women my age. Apparently we are known for being good at – let’s say, explicit activities – along with cooking and baking. Alrighty then. Not sure why he thinks I’m good at baking.  Thanks for showing me what you’re about early on. E is for ego. And exit!

Guy F – we’ve had light conversation and are planning to connect in person this weekend. I have been the difficult one (as per usual) due to the insane aforementioned schedule. He seems nice enough, polite and professional. Oh, and he wants to treat me to sushi which is something I totally love. So we’ll see if we actually meet and how it goes.

Guy G and I started chatting a bit tonight. He has gorgeous blue eyes and is a snowbird – young, but not in the same decade as Guy E – thank you very much. He lives about an hour from here until April. All summer and fall he is 1000 miles away. Seasonal dating. That may just be perfect.

Beyond dating, school and work, I am doing my best to take good care of myself. This weekend’s agenda includes a little retail therapy at TJ Maxx and a pedicure. Also I took advantage of private beach access by simply asking if it was available to me. And lo, I received a parking pass and a wristband, just like that. Sometimes you just have to practice self care. It’s worth it!

Thanks for reading, until next time…
Sherri

 

One, two, who are you?

There are plenty of people out there digging into hard controversies and political rants. The opinions and angst and true upset are valid and I respect anyone with the courage to jump into those circles. I have lots of opinions on such subjects. However, this is one space where I try to keep it light and fun and maybe a tad bit inspirational. I’ll take my cue from the newspaper comics and attempt to give you a smile.

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The dating chronicles have begun. My suspicion was that – at the very least – I would have something entertaining to share in this space. I find it to be a bit comedy / bit tragedy. The logos for online dating sites should not include cupids or hearts or fish…but this…

If you’re single, you can relate. If you’re connected, you’ll be grateful that you’re not single. Even if you are squabbling with each other because, well, just read on.

Let’s begin with scanning the profiles. There are HUNDREDS of men in all shapes, colors, sizes and ages, and they are all online, looking for love. Or something, I’m not too sure. In scanning through the myriad profiles, here are my instant dis-qualifiers…

–The only picture on your profile is of you wearing a hat and sunglasses.
I can’t see you. Who are you? I don’t care about your receding hairline. Why are you hiding? I cannot handle insecurity. Next.

–Your marital status is separated.
Paperwork can drag on, I get it. But dude, you are still married. You are not single or divorced. You are not available. Get off of dating sites until the papers are signed. Oh, you might want to let the ink dry for a bit, too. Just a suggestion. Next.

–You smoke.
I don’t, and you shouldn’t either. It’s a terrible habit and I broke it myself years ago. Get help and make it happen for yourself. It’s not judging, it’s the honesty of “I am never gonna kiss you”. Next.

–There are grammar or spelling issues all over the place.
I am somewhat forgiving here because of grace. But when errors make it difficult to actually communicate, I just can’t do it. Get a proofreader – you need one. Next.

–You didn’t answer the profile questions.
Isn’t this the point? I am not responding to the “what do you want to know?” question you sent me. If you are on a dating site, answer the damned questions. Or just go away. Why are you even here? Next.

Look at all that discernment right there. I am trying not to be too cynical and harsh, but wow, do you see the challenge? Tell me I am being reasonable and not setting impossibly high standards. No really, tell me. I need to know.

How much can I tell about a potential “love match” from these profiles? Quite a bit once I figured out the “code”. For example, when he says that he “likes to be spontaneous”, he is actually saying that he doesn’t make plans. In other words, he’s telling me right up front that he may call to see if I’m available with zero notice. How romantic.

Sure, I’m just sitting here looking beautiful and doing nothing at all, just waiting for your call. Um, yes, looking beautiful. And hell-to-the-no – I am certainly not sitting here waiting. Go be spontaneous with a boring girl. This one has a life.

How well am I representing myself? Am I honest? I think so. I feel like I’ve done enough work to know who I am. I state right up front that I am strong and sassy and independent. Guys, I know this about myself. If you are super sensitive, consider yourself warned that I may hurt your feelings without meaning to do so. I know myself, and you should know yourself too.

It’s like sorting the mail that comes in. Junk, junk, junk, junk, oh, wait, maybe that’s one I should look at for more than 2 seconds.

This area is rumored to have a ratio of one single guy to TEN single women. I have like 400 profiles to skim through. Does that mean the guys have 4000? Good grief.

To keep myself in balance with this, I only check the site for 10 minutes, once a day. If I am having conversation via messaging or talking, it’s for that same amount of time. I’m busy y’all, and this is not my new job or my new hobby. It’s for exercise, and apparently blog material.

Aren’t you glad that you got to read all of these words and there was nothing politically charged? Me too…

Stay tuned for more adventures….

Thanks for reading, until next time,
Sherri

Process > Product

As promised, I would not keep all of my dating escapades to myself. First I had to tell my kids (since neither of them obviously read my last post). The one who lives out of state said, “Great Mom, go for it!”

The one who is the roommate laughed until she snorted and asked, “Am I getting a new dad?”. At 19, no, you’re fine, and that is absolutely not a part of this equation. And this is why I didn’t tell you sooner 🙂

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Reminiscing…

My memory isn’t what it used to be. In fact, I’m slightly better at remembering things because I am a writer. Jotting notes, whether or not I have possession of said notes, helps me to recall things.

Have you ever made a grocery list and then left it behind? Me too. And if you closed your eyes in the middle of the supermarket aisle (while blocking traffic), you could envision what you wrote?

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Who did that?

I’m not sure why I am struggling so much with self-confidence these days.

I totally thought I bombed my most recent test in Calculus. There were easily half of the 14 problems where I totally second guessed myself. After sacrificing some perfectly perfect beach weather to stay home and study, I was expecting it to be easier. It was tough!

When I got my test back and it said “96” on it, I could not figure out who would have taken my test, erased all the wrong answers and put down the correct ones in my handwriting. I didn’t bribe the teacher. I didn’t cheat. I just wrote down all the formulas at the beginning of the test and tried to follow the instructions and not choke under pressure.

Which, with a result of a 96, it would appear that I managed to not choke alright. How did I do that? And more importantly, why did I doubt myself?

I’m reminded of that story in the Bible when Jesus walks on water. Basically it’s just a guy (who is also God) taking a short cut because it’s faster to walk across than to go around. We all like shortcuts, and I’m pretty sure Jesus was a shortcut-liker himself.

jesus-walks-on-water

Anyway, Jesus is just strolling across the Sea of Galilee. When Peter sees him, he decides he’d like to give it a try. He gets out of the boat and begins walking  toward Jesus. On top of the water. Like it’s no big deal.

And then, as he is doing this miraculous water walking, he starts to doubt and sinks.

Peter and me, we are both pretty excitable when it comes to miracles. My getting A’s in Calculus is pretty much the same thing as Peter walking on water, right? I knew you would agree.

So why do we doubt that we can do the exact thing that we actually ARE doing? Jesus reaches down and saves Peter from drowning. He says – why did you doubt? Just have faith. Keep your eyes on me and you can do it.

I’m gonna borrow the Nike slogan right now (I hope I don’t get into trouble with the internet police). You know the one – just do it. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Study and practice and trust that you’re able to do the thing already. Just do it.

It sounds so simple when it’s someone else who should do the do-ing.

What is the thing that you are afraid of doing – that you’re already doing? And how do you overcome it and develop some self confidence – or faith – or trust – or whatever you want to call it? And yes, I know that throwing a prayer out helps. And studying helps. And then more studying helps. Is it praying that helps me be confident so I can do well? Or is it all that studying that better prepares me? Is it a little of both?

How would Peter have studied for water walking?

I’ll bet I’m not the only one who wrestles with this. If you’ve got a similar struggle, let me hear it! Maybe it will help me to feel not quite so doubtful.

Thanks for reading, until next time!
Sherri

It’s almost over folks…

So the election is tomorrow and I’m feeling disappointed.

In the whole political process. In the main party candidates. In people fighting over who is better – or the least awful – to choose from. It’s sad to see people behaving so poorly over a difference of opinion.

I’m mainly feeling disappointed in myself for not caring as much as I should.

I don’t consider myself an activist on the national or even local level. I mean, we have representatives to run the county and state and federal governments. And they are supposed to listen to us – the constituents. Honestly, I’m all busy over here trying to keep my own act together. That’s lame, but I think it’s true for most of us.

It boils down to this: I alwaimg_1936ys make it to the polls, and it’s my privilege and my responsibility as a citizen to pay attention and vote intelligently.

Now that I’m looking at an actual deadline (thank you so much for almost being over) – I perused the available information on the candidates up for hire. And I double checked the location and times for my precinct (I moved, remember?).

The big disappointment came when my youngest daughter, now 18, and I were chatting about this the other day. The sample ballot in the mail prompted my question. It went like this:

Me: “Hey, did you register to vote?”
Daughter: “No, I’m not doing that.”
Me: “Really? Why not?”
Daughter: “There’s no point.”
Me: …..

What could I say? She has been in the throws of government classes for the last few years. She knows that we are privileged to have the right to vote. She knows the history. Women were denied the right to vote until 1920, less than 100 years ago. This child has expressed interest in pursuing a career in the legal field, and could very well end up on a ballot herself one day. It’s kind of a big deal for her to decide NOT to vote.

This is the very first year she is eligible, and she is disenchanted enough to not even bother to register. My lack of enthusiasm for politics and the whole giant mess has obviously been passed right along to my offspring. I feel so unpatriotic.

So I can blame it on the media, or the dismal choices of our candidates, or my lack of interest. Either way, this is where we’ve landed at our house.

Like my friend Susan said today, “If you don’t vote, you can’t bitch about it later.”

I like the example Jesus set when it came to politics. He stayed out of it, and talked about the Kingdom of God, and loving our neighbors. So I vote that we all focus on that, and not worry so much about what tomorrow will bring. Because no matter who lands in the winner’s column, I’m going to be okay. And so are you. And so are we all.

Thanks for reading, until next time,
Sherri